Friday, October 17, 2014

October 17, 2014 A Mother's Mission Blues

This is a post written by mom. I know I said I was turning the story over to Declan, but today I need to throw in an entry by me. Today has been a little bit of a rough one, this week has been a little shaky, tonight, well tonight has just plain stunk. I haven't really know what my problem has been. Honestly, I've kind of been a little bit upset with myself for being so childish. I guess I've felt a bit sad, and maybe even a little irritated that Declan's letters on Mondays seem so impersonal sometimes. I guess sometimes it seems like I wait around all week like it is Christmas waiting on a letter, and then I feel like I don't really even know what he did all week. It isn't that he isn't trying to tell me, it is just that there isn't enough time, and email is so hard, and he has so many more people to write- it is just so hard not being able to pick up the phone and talk to him or send him a text and ask him my questions and get answers right away; instead I'm just left hanging. I'm very blessed that Katie thinks to write me and fill me in on things that he tells her that she knows he has forgotten to tell me, like his poop story, at least I'm not missing out on everything! He has been asking for a lot of things from home the last few emails, so I had decided it was time to start thinking about getting a care package together. His old roomate from college, Garrett, contacted me and let me know he had asked him to send some things also. I figured if he was asking other people to send stuff I needed to get on the ball and get something out quick. I had Garrett send me his stuff so I could include it in our package. Rodney and I curiously waited all week to see what Declan would have asked his friend to send him. Yesterday we received Garrett's package and were cracking up when we saw 3 Kendamas in the box.

Mind you, they have been well used and loved. They are worn, chiped, scraped, and you can tell they have entertained many a boy for hours upon hours. I remember Declan telling me about them in college. Rodney and I decided he must be going through some major video game withdrawls. I told Garrett that I had received them and mentioned that Declan also wanted a trick yoyo, and he offered to help me pick one out. It was so nice to be able to text him back and forth, and it also made me miss my Declan too. I have also been sitting around getting Christmas ideas pulled together for Declan as I will have to get them put in the mail at the beginning of November. I think that is playing trick on my heart this week also. Then tonight Rodney and I were watching a movie. It was a war movie where the boy was a sweet little innocent all American boy going off to fight in an ugly, horrible war. I sat and bawled. I cried and cried and cried. I could not get it together and it was just the beginning of the movie. I thought I was going to have to stop watching it. All I could think about was how scary the state of the world is right now, how sad I am that Joey (Decota's sweet, innocent boyfriend) is enlisted as a Marine, of all things, with all that is going on right now, and how much I miss Declan. Rodney kept saying "let's just not watch this", but I knew I needed to pull it together so about 20 minutes later I wiped the last tear away and made it almost through the rest of the movie. All night it bugged me that I felt so emotional, and like I could burst out crying at any moment, And then it dawned on me and I knew why today was such a hard day- today is Decaln's 4 month mark of being out on his mission. 4 months ago today I put my baby on a plane and sent him to a country I've never seen to speak a language I don't speak and love people he's never met, and I did it because I have faith that he is doing what God has asked him to do and that he will be watched over and protected, and that he will learn and grow into an even more wonderful version of the person I knew before. I am one sixth of the way done. Time is flying. He is happy. He is loving what he is doing. He is learning, he is growing. He is becoming the man that God is shaping him into. My head knows that I would not want him anywhere else at this moment, sometimes it just takes my heart a minute to catch up and remember that.

Oh how I love that boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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